


Still There for Me

by VividDayDreamer



Series: Fall Into My Arms.  I've Got You. [2]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: AgentCorp sort of, Alex Danvers & Lena Luthor Friendship, And Gets it From Alex, Angst, Don’t copy to another site, Drinking quotes, F/F, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Lena Luthor Has Issues With Trust...Again, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Lena doubts everyone, Or Can Be Seen as Early Alex & Lena Relationship, Post 4x22, Post Reveal, interpret the relationship as you wish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-12
Updated: 2019-06-12
Packaged: 2020-05-01 17:03:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19182079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VividDayDreamer/pseuds/VividDayDreamer
Summary: A follow-up from Part I, "She Gives Me Strength."(Happens right after 4x22)After the troubles she had with fighting Lex and finally ending his reign of terror, Lena came back to face a different battle; a conflict between friends.  Her anger bubbled up inside her as she dealt with the fact that those closest to her, had lied.  She joins their company one game night, stewing with this thought.  She fortified her boxes, containing her thoughts and feelings, giving her "friends" the perception that everything was alright.  However, the next day, she disappears without so much as a peep.Escaping, she drowns her sorrows with a familiar vice that burns through her.  But before she falls completely into its grasp, Alex is there to catch her once more.(Best read after reading the first part in the series.)





	Still There for Me

**Author's Note:**

>   
> 
> 
> I never thought I'd be writing a follow-up piece to "She Gives Me Strength," but so many of you liked it so much and suggested that I keep the option in mind. And so I did :)
> 
> The idea didn't hit me until last night when I started writing this. The theme followed suit, so like the first part, I used the same song as inspiration. Funny enough, the tags on this work is almost exactly identical to the other.
> 
> It'd be best if you have the background of the first story, but not really necessary.
> 
> Enjoy! I hope it lives up to your expectations! :)
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Inspired on the song, "Stand in the Rain" by Superchick.
> 
>   
> 

Alex knows first-hand what drinking can do, especially when your mind wanders aimlessly, trying to make sense of the pain in your heart. She understands when that pain becomes too much, and all you want to do is drown it away, hoping to find some bliss in the moment when you can no longer make sense of anything, as you edge to the point of unconsciousness, hoping for peace.

When Lena Luthor disappears after a seemingly normal game night without a word thereafter, Alex knew something was wrong, even way before her sister started panicking.

  


"Alex, I can't get a hold of her. She won't answer my texts and I've dropped by Catco and L-Corp with no sign of her! The assistants all just say she's away on business, but won't tell me anything. I'm worried!" Kara exclaimed as she paced back and forth at the DEO. "What if something happened to her? What if— "

"Kara, it's fine. We'll find her, I promise. Just relax okay? Maybe she just needed some time away, considering everything she's been through."

"But she was fine the other night..."

  


Alex thought about that night too. If she was being honest, she hadn't stopped thinking about it. Mainly because of Lena. The woman just seemed normal and carefree as if nothing happened. It was as if Red Daughter hadn't attacked, as if her brother hadn't tried to underhandedly run the country, as if the Kaznians never bombed the city, and as if Ben Lockwood was all but a name. It was a lot for even the most normal of citizens to comprehend, but what more for someone who was close to it all. 

Lena was acting too normal, and Alex knew that she was pretending that night. She was pretending like she wasn't hurting; pretending like everything was fine. She was surprised that Kara hadn't noticed, but Alex did. She saw it in the heaviness of her hand with each glass of wine she poured herself that evening. She noticed the slight hesitation before each smile, as if it was a decision every time, rather than a honest reaction. She noticed the safe distance she tried to keep from Kara, and how it seemed to disagree with her. She noticed when she would leave to answer "work calls" more often that night than usual. However, Alex didn't say anything except keep an watchful eye on her. That night was meant to be a night to celebrate normalcy and be thankful for all they still had and accomplished, considering everything they'd been through. She didn't want to stir the waters.

Throughout the past few months, she and Lena had become close. She knew how much her friendship meant to her and vice versa, especially when Alex's memories were locked away. There was something she had felt with Lena then, something she treasured still. Lena helped to anchor her when she was lost in the beginning, feeling alone and disconnected, and Alex was there for her when Lex broke her heart, and needed someone to be there for her. They had a bond, and there never was a time since then, that she hadn't thought about Lena or worried for her safety.

  


"I'll find her," Alex reiterated.

  


The confidence in her words reassured Kara and the tension eased up in her shoulders. She smiled at Alex and gave her a hug.

  


"Please do."

  


  


* * *

  


  


Later that night, Alex retrieved her phone and tapped on a custom app specifically designed for DEO use. She punched in a number of codes and navigated through it until she reached a map. She studied it, waiting for the moment it confirmed...

  


_There you are..._

  


Tapping on the screen, she noticed that the red blinking light pointed to a location outside the city limits. Immediately, she threw on her leather jacket, grabbed her keys, her helmet, then locked the door behind her. She hastily made her way down to the garage and hopped on her bike. She had some place to be.

Alex sped through the city, weaving through the minimal traffic in her way until she reached the outer limits, where there was nothing but open highway shrouded in darkness. Stretches of road went by without so much as a lamp post to guide her. The only light source came from the single beam that came from her bike's headlight. There was a chill in the air as she zipped on by, and the air smelled damp. Not a moment later, the first few drops of rain started to fall. It was a light drizzle, nothing to hinder her drive, but everything around her started to remind her of a night that seemed so long ago.

She remembered standing in the rain, her arms wrapped around a heartbroken Lena. She remembered nuzzling up against the hood that covered the brunette's head; its fabric had quickly collected the rain and weighed heavy on them. And perhaps it was because the sky's rage beat down mercilessly on them, or the fact that the woman crumbled into her arms, but Alex somehow felt the emptiness and sorrow flow through her. It was as if the darkness that fought to overpower the woman she held close, came out to engulf her as well. And in that moment, a fight or flight response kicked in, where the only thing clear in her mind was that she wanted to protect her. Protect her from the rain. From the darkness. From the pain. From everything. She recalled the words she said that night; words that came easily, because she felt it in her heart.

  


_"You're never nothing, Lena. You're everything. You're everything this world needs, and more."_

  


She remembered how distraught Lena sounded when she whispered out her name before she leaned back into her arms, desperate for comfort. She remembered telling her,

  


_"It's okay, Lena. I got you."_

  


Those words came out more like a promise without explicitly being labeled as such. After that dreadful night when she had found Lena tied to her office chair, left weakened with a note from Lex explaining everything he had done to her, along with words that threatened her life, Alex wanted nothing more than to promise Lena's safety. She wanted to protect her. Of all the people close to her, Lena, more than anyone (other than Kara), deserved to have someone by her side, no matter what. She felt this when her memories had been wiped, and felt this still.

When her GPS announced that her exit was coming up, she slowed down. The sound of the engine came to a low grumbling as she pulled up next to the commercial hotel chain. Checking her surroundings, she found the adjacent garage and drove towards it. She was relieved to know that she'd have a place to park her bike, away from the inclement weather.

Alex then hurried into the hotel lobby. Her quick pace to avoid the rain was out of habit, unnecessary at that point, considering her clothes were already practically damp from the ride over. She walked towards the front desk and stated her business.

  


"I'm here to visit Lena Luthor. Would you mind telling me where she's staying? I'm a close friend."

"Hmmm... I'm sorry, miss. We're not at liberty to disclose information about our guests without prior notification."

"Okay, um... could you call her room to let her know that I'm down here? My name is— "

"I'm sorry, but we can't do that either. It's against policy. You'd have to ring her yourself."

Frustrated, Alex continued, "Can you at least confirm that she's staying with you?"

"I'm sorry, but I can't."

  


Aggravated by the whole exchange, Alex decided to head to the hotel bar and grab a drink. From there, at least she could try to phone Lena and let her know that she's at her hotel. She pulled out her phone and confirmed that the indicator did show her there. Waiting to form the courage to seek out someone who clearly didn't want to be found, she wandered further into the bar, but her gaze fell automatically onto a familiar figure.

  


_Of course she'd be at the bar..._

  


Alex slowly approached Lena from the side and quietly sat down next to her. Her arm was bent on the surface of the bar, her head rested in her hand. It took a moment for Lena to feel a presence next to her. When she did, she slowly lifted and turned her head. Her eyes were red and puffy with hints of dark bags below them. Her lids blinked with heaviness, and her focus was hazy. Lena looked so vulnerable, that Alex felt for her.

  


"Hey."

"Alex?" she asked, confusion written all over her face. "What...what're you doing here?"

"Checking in on you, dummy," she responded with a smile.

"How'd you even find me? Did Jess give me up? So help me, when I get back, I'll— "

  


Alex then placed her hand softly on Lena's arm to calm her.

  


"No one told me. I tracked you."

"Tracked me? How?"

Alex gave a shy smile. "Ever since that day I found you in your office, I made sure to have a way of tracking you in case you ever disappeared again. I worry about you, Lena."

  


Lena scoffed and quickly pulled away her arm. She grabbed her drink sloppily and took a swallow of it.

  


"There's a reason I disappeared, Alex. And don't give me that lie that you care. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of all the lies," she said, her voice a bit scratchy and her tone, exhausted.

"Lena, hold on. What lies? I'm not lying. I'd never lie to you."

Lena huffed, "Another lie."

  


Alex wasn't sure what was bothering her, but she needed to reassure her that she was there for her, no matter what. She slid off the barstool and stepped close to Lena, she then placed her hand on her shoulder.

  


"Lena. Look at me. What's going on?"

  


To her surprise, Lena quickly turned and shoved Alex back. The unexpected reaction caused Alex to lose her footing momentarily.

  


"Go away, Alex!" she growled.

"No, I won't," she stated calmly. "I'm your friend and I'm worried about you. I don't know what's going on, but I'm here, okay? I'm here. You don't want to talk, that's fine. I'll sit here, have a drink, and we can sit quietly until you're ready."

  


Lena scoffed once more, then turned her focus back onto her empty glass. Alex slid back onto her seat and waved down the bartender. She ordered a drink, then casually asked for him to bring Lena a glass of water. He nodded, and a few minutes later, he returned with both in hand. Alex kept her gaze forward, eyeing the liquor that decorated the shelves behind the bar as she sipped on her beer. Occasionally, she'd take a glance at Lena, just to see how she was doing. They stayed like that for quite some time, until Alex had finished her drink. She was about to order another, when Lena spoke first.

  


"You lied to me, Alex."

  


Alex wanted to ask what about, but decided to let Lena continue speaking since she was finally opening up.

  


"I know. I know about Kara. About her...secret."

  


Alex's heart skipped a beat, dreading that she was referring to Kara's secret identity.

  


"I was a fool to honestly believe that they were two separate people. She was standing before me the whole time..."

  


Alex instinctively ran her hand through her hair, clearly bothered by what she just heard. Lena knew. _She knew _.__

____

  


"I'm beyond upset at Kara," she started. The words came out between the gritting of her teeth. "All those times. All those misunderstandings. All the conflicts and arguments. The sheer thought that I was confiding in her about the other...it makes me feel like a fool, Alex!"

  


Lena then turned to face her, her eyes threatened to shed those tears once more, which shielded the anger behind them.

  


"But you...Alex...," her voice cracked a bit and softened. "You...you of all people...I thought you were better than that. But you lied to me too."

  


Lena's shoulders slumped. Disappointment and sadness was written all over her face. It was reflected in the frown upon her lips, the lowered angles of her brow, and the sorrow in her eyes. Alex's focus shifted to those green eyes; eyes which seemed to pierce through her, as if it was searching her soul for any explanation for why she had put her through so much pain. It only furthered to bring guilt into Alex's heart. She never wanted to be the one to hurt her.

  


"Lena, I...There's more to the story that you don't know, and..I'm being completely honest with you that I have at least a partial alibi for some of it."

"Oh stop. I'm not buying anything that comes out of your mouth anymore, _Director_ ," she said, emphasizing her title as a way to express how she felt like their relationship was all but friendly. "You and your lies can go to hell for all I care."

"You don't mean that."

"Don't I?"

  


Those words somehow shot through Alex, hurting her more than she thought it should have. Lena had a right to be angry, sure. But she wasn't prepared to be dismissed as easily as if she were talking to Lex, Lillian, or Eve; people who've hurt her so deeply. Alex couldn't imagine being lumped into the same horrible group. It took her by surprise, and caused her to go speechless. She wasn't like them. She'd never... The pain it caused must've been obvious though, translating into the look upon her face, because Lena approached her cautiously.

  


"If you want to talk. Let's talk."

  


Lena slipped a fifty dollar bill on the counter and shifted off her seat. She stumbled a bit getting up, but took her time, walking carefully towards the lobby. Alex followed. They stayed quiet throughout the trek, from lobby to the elevator ride, down to the next hallway, until Lena opened the door to her room. When they walked inside, Lena turned to face her, arms crossed.

  


"You have ten minutes."

"Okay," Alex started as she ran her hand through her hair once more. "Okay, first off, yes, you have the right to be angry. We...we had to keep that secret. I know Kara wanted to tell you. She— "

"Don't make excuses for your sister. She has her reasons. When and if I'm ever ready to speak with her about it, I'll get that information from her myself. I want to know about _your_ reasons, Alex. Why _you_ lied to me. You claim you're my friend. That we're...close, yet...you lied. The whole time, when we were working with Supergirl to find Eve and Lex. You...your sister was with us the whole time and— "

"Lena, to be fair, I didn't know then."

Lena scoffed. "You honestly want me to believe that? She's your sister, Alex! Didn't know, my ass. You know what, Alex. Maybe you are like your sister after all, with these lies and how you both thought it'd be easy to manipulate me with them. I thought you'd be different. You should go. I'm done listening."

  


Before Lena could fully turn her back on her, Alex burst out with her confession.

  


"They wiped my mind, Lena! I don't remember! Or...I didn't remember. Not then. I do now. I'm sorry. I swear...at the time, I didn't know. I wasn't lying."

"They what? Who did?"

  


There was still a bite to her tone, but Alex picked up on a slight change of focus on who the anger was directed to. Right now, it wasn't at her, and she was grateful for that.

  


"Who mind wiped you, Alex? And why? Explain. Now."

"J'onn. J'onn did. He...he did it, because I asked him to. There was an investigation going on at the DEO to find out Supergirl's human identity and...they were utilizing alien tech to squeeze out the information from all the agents. I...I had no choice. I had to protect Kara..."

"So you sacrificed your memories of her."

  


Alex gave a regretful nod.

Lena's was calmer then, pitying the woman in front of her. She understood the gravity of the decision Alex had made, and how much it must of hurt her to do it. Losing a large portion of who she was, was selfless and rash, but it was Alex. It was a decision she would have made easily, to save anyone she cared dearly for. Lena couldn't be angry at that. She couldn't fault her for it. It was in her DNA. That was just the type of person Alex was, and it was what Lena admired most about her.

  


"When we...when we started to get close...working together to find Supergirl's double, I was already months into the wipe. I swear Lena, at the time, I wasn't lying to you. About anything really. Everything I said then still holds true now. I do care about you. That's why I'm here."

  


Lena deflated a little as she tried to comprehend everything that she was just made privy to. Her mind was running in a quick pace, but was slowed down due to the alcohol that was now flowing freely through her bloodstream. As much as she wanted to say more, to question more, her mind was unclear. It was like attempting to sprint through thick, heavy tar; wanting to go somewhere, but clearly not succeeding. And out of habit, she walked over to the dresser where she kept a half consumed bottle of whiskey and poured herself a drink. Alex just watched on the sidelines, not knowing how best to proceed without wearing out her welcome. The line between them already seemed so fragile.

Lena took a hefty sip from the glass and placed it down on the dresser. She placed her hands onto the flat surface and leaned against it, while she stared down into the glass. Her mind was still attempting to let everything sink in.

  


"What other lies don't I know about, Alex?" she asked with an exasperated sigh.

"From me? Nothing. At least, I don't think there is."

  


Lena took a deep breath. The tears she was holding back no longer were. Lately, it seemed she had found herself incapable of not breaking down and crying. Perhaps her exhaustion was getting the best of her, leaving the control over her emotions weakened. Her quiet sobs were barely heard, but Alex noticed the quick and sudden jerky movements as it wracked her body. Alex took a step or two forward, but stopped. She fought to hold herself back. She desperately wanted to comfort her, but knew for a fact that Lena was the type of person who needed space sometimes, especially when her emotions were mixed with anger and confusion.

Alex was prepared to just stand there for as long as she was welcomed to, so long as she could keep an eye on Lena. She wanted to make sure she was taken care of, and that she wouldn't self destruct. She watched as Lena suffered in agony over her thoughts and emotions, and at times, she had to look away, because the sight was too much. It hurt her to see her like that. It was just like back then, when Alex felt that heavy cloud of despair loom around Lena, swallowing all that surrounded her, Alex included. And just like then, when Alex had physically tried to shield Lena away from the elements of the rain and everything it seemed to represent, she wanted to do so again, but had to wait for the right time to do so.

Luckily, that time came shortly thereafter, and when Alex noticed it, she pounced on the opportunity.

In the midst of her turmoil, Lena instinctively went to reach out for the bottle once more to pour another herself another drink. Alex knew that that was her cue. She knew that move. She's been there. Alex had only been with Lena for a little over an hour and already she's had three drinks. She wasn't sure how much Lena had prior to, but knew that this had to stop. Alex of all people recognized this destructive pattern, and knew full well of its consequences. She wasn't very good at following others' advice on when to stop drinking and had always struggled with it, but when it came down to watching others go down the same path, her aim was resolute in making sure they didn't make the same mistakes.

Alex quickly ran over to Lena's side and placed her hand on top of the glass, just as Lena was about to pick it up.

  


"Don't," she said quietly and calmly. "First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you."

  


Lena halted her movements, partially out of intrigue and partially out of surprise of the use of such a quote. As she looked up at Alex, her eyes were wet with tears and her jaw was tightly clenched. There was a slight tremble in her lips, that she meant to hide, but it caught the ever observant eyes of Alex. Suddenly feeling so vulnerable with her close by, Lena shied away. She darted her stare back to the glass in her hand.

  


After a minute or so, she whispered quietly, "F. Scott Fitzgerald."

  


Alex gave a soft chuckle at the unexpected response.

  


"I've heard that before," she continued, as she took a shaky breath." She then released her hand from the glass. "Though, there's another saying. 'Alcohol may be man's worse enemy, but the bible says love your enemy,'" she said, cracking a small smile.

  


"Frank Sinatra," Alex responded, and Lena let out a small huff of amusement.

"We know our quotes," Lena added, still staring down at the glass on the dresser, which remained covered by Alex's hand. The amber liquid peered through the slits between the woman's fingers.

"And we know how to drink," Alex finished.

  


Lena sighed heavily and shifted away from the dresser. When she did that, Alex knew it was safe enough to let go of the drink.

  


"Alex...I just don't know what to think any more. All this time, I managed to survive. At first because of my determination to do good and be better than the Luthor name. Then, when things became so much more difficult, I had friends. I had Sam, and Kara, and James...and you. Especially you. Especially when I really needed you. And now—"

"I'm _still_ here... You _still_ have me."

  


Lena shook her head and turned away then. She stepped towards the window and looked out into the nothingness that surrounded them. The only thing visible was the glow of the crescent moon, hovering high above the silhouette of trees below.

  


"Before I knew Kara was Supergirl, Kara was just my best friend. Maybe still is, but I can't think about that now... What I do know was that at the time, she was just an emotional rock, my guiding light. Sam was that way too. But you...you were that and more. You were someone I was able to lean on, both emotionally and physically, all at the same time."

  


She let out a small laugh.

  


"You've saved me more times than I can count. Supergirl not withstanding of course. But now...that trust," she shook her head again. "That trust— "

"You can still trust me," Alex interrupted once more as she stepped closer.

"Alex...," she said with exhaustion and exasperation in her voice.

"I'm still here, Lena. I'll always be here for you. I got you."

  


Alex closed in then, wrapping her arms around Lena from behind, the same way she did on that rainy night. She held her tight, hoping that her physical presence would speak louder than her words could, hoping that her protective embrace would reach Lena's heart, where her words could not. And just like then, Lena crumbled into it. She crossed her own arms over her chest, clenching Alex's strong arms beneath them. And once more, she felt safe. Despite the anger from being lied to and the grudge she still held against them all, she couldn't deny the fact that she needed someone like Alex right now. She needed someone on her side. She needed someone to lend her the strength to carry on. Alex always knew what she needed, even when she fought against it. So with a heavy heart, she tempted fate once more, allowing Alex back in.

  


**Author's Note:**

>   
> 
> 
> I'm always happy to hear your thoughts :) 
> 
> Please leave a comment, or find me on [Tumblr](https://dreamsescapeus.tumblr.com/).
> 
>   
> 


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